Supporting Your Teen’s Mental Health

Help! I don’t recognize my teenager anymore.

With adolescent and teenage mental health conditions on the rise, chances are you may have noticed your child struggling with their emotions, moods or behaviors.

Perhaps your once bubbly and outgoing teen has become quiet and withdrawn. Or maybe your confident and optimistic adolescent now appears unsure and despondent. Seeing your child confront the many hurdles that come with growing up and going through puberty can be scary and worrisome. Knowing how to support them through it, without pushing them further away can be even harder!

As kids enter their adolescent and teenage years, they are often confronted with changes in their social groups, increased academic pressures, and the battle of comparing their looks, intelligence and skillsets to those of their peers’.

Teens also go through differentiation during this time; a process of self-discovery that includes developing a sense of self-identity, experimenting with appearance and exploring their personal beliefs and morals. While this is all perfectly healthy and normal, the transitions that teens make throughout this stage are not always parent-approved, causing a greater rift in the home.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so, keep reading to learn about how you can support your teen through the turbulence while also maintaining your own sanity.

 Listen and Learn

One of the most important things you can do for your child is simply listen to them.  It’s human nature to want to solve the problems our kids have, to help them live a life free of stress and worry. But guess what? That’s not possible and we would be doing them a disservice if every time they had a problem, we immediately swooped in to save the day. Instead, we can empathize with what they are feeling.

Let me give you an example: perhaps your daughter comes home from school upset and tearful about an issue with her friends. She storms through the front door adamant that she’s never going back to school. Your first instincts might be to tell her to calm down and stop yelling, ask a series of detailed questions about the situation and maybe even get frustrated yourself when these strategies don’t yield the results you had hoped for. Instead, I’d urge you in this moment to take a deep breath yourself, validate how your daughter is feeling and offer empathy: “I can tell you’re really upset by what happened today. I know it doesn’t feel good to have disagreements with the people you care most about.”

Then, instead of assuming what she needs from you, ask what you can do to help: “How can I support you? Would you like me to listen, give you some space, something else? You tell me!” It’s very possible she might want space in this moment to regulate herself. Do your best to respect that while also assuring her you’re always there for her: “I think taking some time to yourself sounds like a great plan. If you decide you do want to talk about it more, know that I am always here to listen.” So often teens and adolescents are being told what to do and how to do it. When you have the opportunity to simply listen, validate and empathize you build a sense of safety and meaningful connection while doing it.

Be a Role Model

Another great strategy for helping your child learn healthy ways to cope with their struggles is to model how you cope with your own. Maybe you had an especially hard day at work, your boss was tough on you and you’re coming home feeling deflated and stressed. Let your child know this and show them that you know how to cope with it. This might sound like: “I had a very overwhelming day at work. I’m under a lot of pressure right now and feeling tired. I’m going to take care of myself by taking a warm shower and getting some fresh air to clear my head.” Showing your child that you are human too will help them feel closer to you while also teaching them to manage their own emotions in an adaptive way.

Develop Healthy Coping Skills

Finding outlets for your teen to express the many emotions they might be holding in is always a great strategy. If your teen likes to write or express themselves through art, offer them the opportunity to journal their thoughts or use a canvas to paint what they’re feeling. Maybe you have a child who prefers to be more active. Encouraging them to get fresh air, go for a run, shoot hoops or take the dog for a walk is a great way to release endorphins and reduce stress. Turning to YouTube to learn a simple meditation or deep breathing technique can also be an effective way to relax your body and mind. 

If, despite all of your efforts, your child is still struggling, it may be time to seek outside help. Talking to a trusted adult (teacher, guidance counselor, grandparent, therapist) is another safe way for your child to express themselves while also getting the opportunity to receive guidance and validation.

Contact Elyssa DeWolfe if you think or your child might benefit from therapy services.